Wednesday, March 21, 2007

What If People Bought Cars Like They Buy Computers?

Another joke post.

General Motors doesn’t have a help line for people who don’t know how to drive, because people don’t buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if they did…

  • Help Line
  • General Motors Help Line, how may I help you?
  • Customer
  • I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!
  • Help Line
  • Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?
  • Customer
  • What’s an ignition?
  • Help Line
  • It’s a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine.
  • Customer
  • Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?
  • Help Line
  • General Motors Help Line, how may I help you?
  • Customer
  • Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks.
  • Help Line
  • Thanks for buying our car. How may I help you?
  • Customer
  • How do I work it?
  • Help Line
  • Do you know how to drive?
  • Customer
  • Do I know how to what?
  • Help Line
  • Do you know how to drive?
  • Customer
  • I’m not a technical person, I just want to go places in my car!
  • Help Line
  • General Motors Help Line, how may I help you?
  • Customer
  • Your cars suck.
  • Help Line
  • What’s wrong?
  • Customer
  • Mine crashed, that’s what’s wrong.
  • Help Line
  • What were you doing?
  • Customer
  • I wanted it to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed and it won’t start now!
  • Help Line
  • It’s your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?
  • Customer
  • I want you to send me the latest version that doesn’t crash anymore!
  • Help Line
  • General Motors Help Line, how may I help you?
  • Customer
  • My car ran for a week, and now it won’t go anywhere!
  • Help Line
  • Is the gas tank empty?
  • Customer
  • Huh? How do I know?
  • Help Line
  • There’s a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and markings from ‘E’ to ‘F’. Where is the needle pointing?
  • Customer
  • It’s pointing to ‘E’. What does that mean?
  • Help Line
  • It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you.
  • Customer
  • What? I paid $22,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!

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